"When you lose something so precious and full of love and can never get it back, the sparkle of life seems to be gone"
16-06-2022 will forever be one of the worst days of my life.
On a Tuesday evening it seemed like our Hero was a bit quieter than usual but he was still happy when I cuddled him and came when I called his name, ate his sweets and we saw him drinking and eating hard food
too so no worries yet. Wednesday morning Hero was there as always when I prepared the wet food, also ate a bit of it and didn't look really sick, yet I had the idea that he was a bit calmer but I couldn't put my finger on what there was because he had no other
symptoms of being sick. I had to go to the dentist for a check-up and I decided to take Hero's temperature before I had to leave. Then I found out he had a fever, his temperature was 40.0. I gave him medication for his fever and when I got back from the dentist
I immediately decided to take his temperature again and luckily it had dropped to 38.7 I also saw him drinking and so my worries subsided a bit. But in the evening Heertje was not himself at all, he did not undertake anything and lay a bit pathetic. His temperature
was taken again and it had now risen to 40.7 It was difficult to figure out what could be wrong with him because he was not spitting up, no snot coming from the nose, clean eyes, no diarrhoea. It was at night and we measured his temperature every hour, it
had dropped back to 40.5 and luckily it didn't rise anymore and by morning his temperature had dropped to 39.5. I called immediately when our vet was open at 9:00 in the morning and I was able to come to the clinic with him right away. I really went with the
feeling that he gets a shot for the fever, antibiotics and then he recovers soon, but I didn't expect this to go very differently! Immediately examined by the vet, gums neat, ears, eyes and nose good, stomach and intestines felt good, when listening with
a stetoscope it became clear that breathing was more difficult, not visible on the outside but can be heard when listening with the stetoscope. So X-rays were immediately taken of the lungs and thorax and there came the shock that Hero's thorax was full of
fluid. On the X-ray you can of course not see what kind of fluid there is, is the fluid due to a heart problem, lymphatic fluid, fluid that is caused by FIP for example. So it was still a mystery and the priority now was to find out what was in the thorax.
So an emergency ultrasound had to be done, but then by a specialist who could immediately remove some fluid from the thorax during the ultrasound to see what kind of fluid it is (is it clear, is it yellow, etc). Urgently to a specialist is not always easy,
but with the help of my vet I could immediately go to Belgium with Hero, where a specialist in ultrasound has his own small clinic. So quickly to Belgium with Heertje, but first my vet gave Heertje some moisture under the skin. Arriving in Belgium we could
immediately go to the treatment room for the ultrasound and that's where the tension started, all kinds of things went through my head and I did 1001 prayers in the hope of reasonably positive news! Heertje was so exemplary, no trouble at all during the ultrasound,
he showed his great Purr'Fect character! The specialist immediately saw on the ultrasound that there was probably pus in the thorax. Through the ultrasound she would try to immediately remove as much pus from the thorax as possible by means of a needle and
syringe. When I saw a little bit of pus coming out through the needle and syringe I was relieved that it really looked like pus and not like yellow slimy fluid like you can see with FIP. But my relief was short-lived, they could only get a tiny bit of the
pus out, just enough for lab testing (so really very little). They couldn't get the rest of the pus out because it turned out to be extremely thick, almost like "cheese," she called it. I've never had experience with this so I had no idea what would happen
next. I was immediately told that this is one of the most unfavorable results you can have with an animal and with Hero this turned out to be even more the case because they could not remove the pus because it turned out to be so extremely thick. At such a
moment the world collapses from under your feet, what does this all mean, Heertje must get better, I went to the vet this morning with the idea that he would get a shot of antibiotics and get better, then I came into a rollercoaster full of emotions and uncertainties! With
the diagnosis of very complex pyothorax, I and Heertje made the journey back to my own vet to discuss everything from there and the options for admission and treatment. The road back to the Netherlands was horrible, I cried my eyes out while I also had to
keep my mind on the road. Why, why is this happening?? Back at my vet it was time to discuss everything properly and there it became very clear to me that what is going on with Heertje is one of the worst things that can happen to an animal. Pyothorax comes
in different forms, some are easier to treat and others are very complex and then there is the reason why it has arisen. There were no wounds to be found with Hero and I had just combed him completely and even then there was nothing remarkable visible. The
fact was that putting in a drain was not immediately possible because the pus was too thick to drain with a drain. This would mean that Hero would have to undergo a major operation in which his entire thorax would have to be opened and then try to remove all
the thick pus, rinse the thorax, then apply drains and a long hospital stay. But Heertje's condition was now very bad and my vet was honest to say that such a major operation could be fatal. Everything in this situation was complex and the hopes of winning
this fight grew less and less every minute. We immediately decided to do a Felv and Fiv test to be sure to rule this out. This was done urgently and the result was negative. My vet then contacted a specialist in the Netherlands to discuss the situation. It
also became clear that things looked very bad for Hero. Again a specialist in Belgium was contacted, but the same story here, surgery and treatment is an option, but the chance of success and survival is very small. So it could be, but in the conversations
it was also said honestly and clearly that the chance of death is many times greater than the chance of survival. I have learned in my life that if vets and specialists say this, you can assume that you will lose this fight anyway. But what do you do, if you
look into the eyes of what is so incredibly important to you, you would give thousands of dollars to save his life and if they said we are going to operate now and then he will be better than he should be you do it right away. But this was not and you collapse
completely at such a moment. Long conversations with my vet and I am very grateful that he took all the time and was also honest and realistic! My mind already knew what a fair decision would be for Hero, but my heart couldn't take it, I couldn't let go of
him. The vet and I decided that Hero would go home and we would come back the next morning and make a decision from two choices, both of which are impossible and painful. How can I choose between having him put to sleep and that he sleeps peacefully in my
arms without pain and lovingly. Or bring it to a 24-hour IC clinic where he has to stay with a lot of stress and pain, a major operation where there is a huge chance that he will die during the operation or if this is not the case, he will die during the treatment.
Of course your mind knows that this suffering is not fair but your heart cannot let go and wants to fight! The words of my vet were that love for your animal is also to be able to let go and to spare suffering with a lot of pain. And he's right about that,
but it hurts, so much pain! I hoped that if Hero came home with me I could spend the night with him, that he would be surrounded with all the love, his friends and us and that I could tell him 10001 more times how special he is and how much I love him. But
the big shock was that this night together did not come again. I came home with Hero after a long day full of emotions and it immediately became painfully visible that Hero was getting worse, he didn't even respond to his friends anymore who were so happy
that he was back and that's not Hero, he was always so present, cheerful and full of love. I looked into his eyes and I saw it, I felt it, my heart broke into a thousand pieces! We called the emergency doctor and again Hero had to go back in the car.
I had him on my lap as my husband drove, tears streaming down my cheeks, Hero rubbed his head against my chin with his last bit of energy. My God he is so very special, my special soul, unique and perfect and he deserved to be with us for so many more years! When
we arrived at the emergency clinic it became clear that it was indeed going very badly with our Hero and we had to put him to sleep out of love for him. After giving the first shot he was asleep very quickly and with the next shot his heart stopped almost
immediately. It was proof that his body probably could not have survived a major surgery. In my mind it is clear that it was a good decision to spare him suffering and a lonely painful death in a clinic but my heart is still not at peace with the fact that
we did not win this and that we now have to live without our Purr'Fect Hero.
My wonderful Purrfect Heertje, From the first
day you were born I knew you are unique, an old soul born just for me for a reason. You were only 1 day young and I named you Purr'Fect Hero because my heart felt that you are perfect! You lived up to your name because you were perfect in every way, your character
was unique and so full of love, you were my shadow, always around me and when i looked into your eyes it seemed like you could see deep into my soul . Your appearance was also perfect, so very beautiful a true dream boy! Your soft shiny coat like satin, my
cuddly boy who gave me so many kisses every day. I'm so sorry darling that we were only allowed to have 6 full years of love together, I wish I could have kept you in my life for so many more years. I don't know how to live without you, not a day will be the
same now that you're gone. But I am grateful, so very grateful! That you have been in my life, that I have been able to enjoy your unique loving presence every day for 6 years. I will honor you all my life and there will not be a day that you are not on my
mind. Thank you my great love for everything! I love you so very much and this love will keep you alive in my heart forever!